I dreamed a dream in days gone by . . .

Once upon a time, my mother told us the story of Jean Val Jean when we were on a car trip--she never continued the story with Fantine, Eponine, Marius or Cosette--but I loved Val Jean's story right away. When I was sixteen years old, my eldest sister Julianne discovered the Les Miserables the musical and shared a CASSETTE  of the Original Broadway Recording with us. I must have listened to it hundreds of times. Something about it spoke to my soul. A touring production was presenting in Salt Lake City and Julianne managed to get THREE tickets--one for her, one for Mom, and one for Dad. My envy was palable. I was further taunted when discussion turned to the fact that Dad might not be able to make the trip and I could go in his place, but that decision was also over turned. Mom and Dad went to Salt Lake to see the production with Julianne. To make matters worse, Dad slept through it (or so he claimed. I could never figure out if he was just messing with me or if he really did. Knowing him and how hard he has always worked and how easy it is for him to drift off, I think he really did!)

So I missed it, but continued to love the music. Five years later, when Chris and I joined BMG music, one of my "8 CD's for a penny" was my own CD copy of  Les Miserables. I had also decided that I should read the book, that actually might have been the beginning of my read-the-book-in-order-to-see-the-movie rule. I must confess, I read the abridged version, but I didn't feel shortchanged, it was plenty long and filled in so many details that I couldn't get from the music alone. After reading the book and owning my own CD, I wanted so desperately to see the production but it didn't come back to SLC for a long time, and being a very poor college student, I don't imagine that I could have afforded the tickets. But I bought a book with the sheet music for the piano and learned to play "A little fall of rain" and "I dreamed a dream."

Fast forward a few years of singing Les Mis, mostly in the car to when I needed to stay awake, to 2005. Great news is broadcast over the radio--Les Miserables is coming for a very limited engagement to Albuquerque. I called Jennifer, my sister who also loved the cassette but was not invited to the production. We were so excited that we could FINALLY see our beloved musical live. We started planning and checking calendars to make in work. And then tragedy struck--Eric, our only brother, proposed to Aubrey and set a date for their wedding in Grand Junction, Colorado. Of course it was on the second day of the three-day engagement. There was no way to make it to any of the shows and still participate appropriately in our brother's joyful day. Family came first, and the dream of seeing Les Mis had to take a back seat.

Again we fast forward to 2011, Les Mis is coming to Denver. My best friend of forever is going for the third time. Tickets are still available. I look at the dates and the bank account. I want to make it work but Kennedie needs a surgery, Emilee has soccer, Jonah has football, and someone must keep Kate in line. My dream will have to stay a dream for a little longer.

And now we are to Saturday May 5, 2012 at Piedra Vista High School's Spring Shindig (An amazing musical, well, shindig, combining singing and dancing and humor and . . . well a LOT of things) and suddenly the stage is filled with 100 kids dressed in white shirts and blue or red sashes and I hear the absolutely familiar note pattern of the overture. I was completely unprepared for my reaction. I was overcome to hear just a few of those pieces performed live. I couldn't stop the tears, even now there are tears again as I recall the moment. It was breathtaking and moving and wonderful. (It was momentarily interrupted by Kate wanting to sit on my lap and Kennedie asking "what exactly is Les Mis about?" which made me feel more than a little bit like Miggery Sow--does NO ONE care what I want?--but that was very temporary.) Thank you Mrs. Nichols, and Maquel, and Robin and Rike and all the rest of you for giving me what has eluded me for 21 years. I hope one day to see the production in its entirety, but what a gift I had from you in the meantime.

I had intended to end my post with the last paragraph.  I went to google to find some images to enhance the beginning of my post and would you believe the first entry on google . . . Les Mis at POPEJOY in Albuquerque in June! I bought my tickets! I am going!! But I would never have looked it up if I hadn't experienced what I did at Shindig, so thank you, again.

The moment I've been waiting for

Chris has wanted to wait until everything was perfect before I could post before and after pictures. After a ridiculously arduous week of work, he had our home ready for the 60th anniversary party for dear friends who were married here, when the house obviously belonged to someone else.  The results are spectacular and the party was a huge hit! It was so fun to watch their guests take a trip down memory lane while being complimentary of our updates. Since everything met with such rave reviews, I finally have permission to share pictures with all of you . . . Here is the before and after picture tour.

 Dining room into family room

 Upstairs bedroom

 Entry

 Living room

 Living room

 Mud room

 Mud room

 Half bath

 Kitchen - I promise it's the same room!

 Kitchen

 Kitchen

 Bedroom - single bed is not usually here

 Hall bath

 Hall bath

 Master bedroom

 Hallway

A Dreamy Birthday

Anyone who has known me for ANY length of time knows that I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY! Even as the numbers have gotten higher, I have still loved my day.

The other night we were talking about the two, yes two, parties I had growing up. They were lovely parties and my mother went to a lot of work on them, but in full-character of ungrateful child, I wished I had more. Chris was surprised that I only ever had two parties, so I said to him "Do you understand me and my birthdays a little better?" He just laughed.

I learned a LONG time ago that if I want something from Chris, I better tell him, or I have no business complaining. He is a very talented man, but mind-reading isn't on the list. My first birthday spent with Chris, I turned 19. He took me to dinner at the Roof, a restaurant overlooking the Salt Lake Temple, that was really nice. Then he gave me a gift certificate--to the MALL, less nice. I was hoping for something a little more sentimental or romantic. The poor man has spent many years trying to make up for that gift--it was exactly what he would have wanted and he really did think and think about what to give me.  Our relationship wasn't really well-defined at that time so he wasn't sure if he should go sentimental, which was exactly why I wanted him to. I've explained all this to him now. (I also wanted to go on a carriage ride right after our wedding, but I didn't ever mention that to HIM. We went for our 5th anniversary.)

My birthday came and I woke up to lots of snow and a message from the schools that school was delayed two hours. What a gift--I got to sleep in a little. Unfortunately we got another call saying that they had cancelled it altogether--that was less of a gift. Plans change when the kids are involved.


Chris made me a breakfast that I had, of course, requested. 

Creamy Breakfast Scramble
3 egg whites
1 whole egg
sliced green onions
cream cheese (2-3 tsp)
cilantro
diced fresh tomatoes
Scramble the egg, whites and the green onions. When they are almost done,  add the cream cheese in several chunks, the cilantro, and the tomatoes. Stir until the eggs finish and the cream cheese softens.

mm mm so delicious but definitely not his thing.--he HATES cilantro and his hands probably smelled like it all day. I happen to love when that happens, but I like cilantro. He brought it to me in bed with a grapefruit and a glass of water--he has been listening when I have said that I don't like milk and that I'd rather not drink my calories in juice. He did, however, buy the canned crescent rolls, so he's not a perfect listener, I can only think of a few things that are more processed than those, but we'll give him a break since he did so well with everything else. He also brought me a rotary cutter, with a great ruler and a mat. He even used the 40% off coupons at Hobby Lobby. 18 years later, I don't need a romantic present. I need something that will help me with all the great projects I see on Pinterest!

To top it all off, he ended up late to work because he took time to post on my Facebook wall. He was a little disappointed not to be the first one to send me birthday wishes, but it was 8:00 am by then. I don't think I'll bring up the mall giftcard ever again . . .


I also decided that it might be fun to have a party. He is not so much a partier (in the Mormon, non-drinking sense of the word) as I am, but he loves me and thought it would be OK. Unfortunately for Chris, he had started a drywalling project complete with walls of plastic everywhere to contain the mess. Not really a party atmosphere. He had a busy week, and a REALLY late night on Thursday but he finished it all! He also cleaned the house sparkling for the party. I had to make the food, but remember the crescent rolls? I'm really better suited for that anyway. It was fun but a little tricky since the kids were home all day.  My friend Kolbe came early and helped me finish everything in time and it turned out to be a nice party. We haven't had parties much so we were a little rusty on how things should go.

Facebook might the best thing that ever happened to my birthday! Someone reminding over 300 people to wish me Happy Birthday--AWESOME! I had over 80 Facebook wishes, four phone calls, three texts, two people randomly stopping by, plus the people Chris invited to my party. The only thing missing was Em--she was in Santa Fe for a debate tournament.

What a birthday--too bad I have to wait a whole year for another day like that!





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Update on the "Nightmare"

So we have been trying our little experiment for almost four weeks. I thought I'd update you on how we've been doing.

Em asked me the first week "how long are we doing this?" expecting that it would a month, or 100 days (like another blogger did). She was astonished and a little dismayed when I said forever. So we made some alterations, concessions, to make this a livable lifestyle with four children

In the spirit of full-disclosure . . .
I would love to be able to be 100% processed-free but I happen to live in the real world so there are some things that are still a part of our lives.

• Whole Wheat Hoagie rolls from Sam's club, for lunches. My kids have actually been pretty good sports and since I have been limited on my time for trying new recipes, I haven't switched that part, yet. I did a very exciting comment this week from Tenille with some delicious looking recipes. I plan to try them this week.

• Yogurt. I have bought the Dannon Pure yogurt that only has ingredients that we can pronounce and recognize. Chris doesn't love the texture as it isn't as thick as he is used to. I tried the Greek Yogurt and that was much too thick and tangy for all our liking.

• String cheese was a concession for lunches as well. The kids have really been enjoying the fruits and veggies, but they needed a little more protien for what I call "staying power." I need Em and Jo to make it through sports practice after school. I feel ok about the concession since there are only four ingredients and the only thing sketchy is "enzymes"--I'm not sure what that means, I might be afraid to know what that means.

• Treat Night once a week. That way a treat is a treat, not a regular part of every day, every meal. We usually have movie night on Fridays, so that is our planned night, although the second week of our adventure was Valentine's Day, so we moved treat night to Tuesday that week. The first week I bought three little tubs of Breyers ice cream--we decided last minute that we would do it, so there wasn't time to make something. It was the perfect amount, everyone had a small scoop of each flavor and then it was gone. Since then, I have made a treat from scratch and only made enough to enjoy for the evening, or I have taken the rest to others.

We also took a trip a few weeks ago. Despite my best efforts to pack good snacks, traveling process-free is REALLY HARD! So we did the best we could to make good choices. (except when I was feeling really tired and driving over a mountain pass in the snow with muddy wipers and no wiper fluid, I bought a Vitamin Water--it was NASTY, but helped--and a Big Hunk for the sugar and the chewing--it gave a terrible stomach ache!) My friend also felt badly for my poor punished children and bought all kinds of delicious cereal for them, but she is an excellent cook with very healthy tastes so all in all we didn't fall off the wagon too far. We also ate many things that were gluten free because her daughter is celiac. I found that my stomach didn't hurt at all while we were there, even though I had forgotten my Cambuche at home. Definitely a bit of information worth experimenting on.

Em took a school trip this weekend and ate mostly fast food. She was able to find a few apples on a concession cart, but that was the extent of her options for good food choices. She said she really felt sick most of the trip.

The upsides

Dinner every night is very tasty. I have had to plan better, but the result has been worth it.  I have made pitas, flour tortillas, and corn tortillas from scratch--along with the rolls, biscuits and muffins that I already make from scratch. I think that I also have found a good recipe for Quick Butter Croissants that come in the can that are used in a lot of fun apetizer recipes. Don't let the name fool you--they need to refrigerate for at least four hours. I didn't let them raise after shaping like the recipe calls for, but I don't think it's necessary when using it for veggie pizza or artichocke bread or chicken packets or any of those fun recipes that use the canned dough.

I'm actually spending less on groceries. Surprise! That is not something I expected. I am having to go to the store more often--we go through the fruits and veggies pretty fast--but I'm not spending as much as I used to overall. I have just had to adjust my thinking and my schedule on things. I used to to a big shop every two weeks and then do a little trip for milk and produce if I needed it/  I now need to plan a small trip every week and I'm learning how much produce to buy. I didn't want things to spoil but for a few weeks I was at the store every three days.

All in all I think we are enjoying the changes and feeling better for them. Cereal and chips have been the most missed items, but even Chris has learned to find a different bedtime snack. Consequently I'm only using half the milk I was before--contributing to the money saving for sure.

I haven't lost much weight--it really wasn't about that--but interestingly enough one of my adult tap students commented that I was looking really good, whatever I was doing was working. That felt really good to hear.

My Children's Nightmare

Having a sugar addict for a mom is a pretty "sweet" life. How can she get on you for eating M&M's first thing in the morning if she herself is snitching a few? When your mom can't say no to treats, there's a reasonably good chance that treats are in the house, or that there will be soon. Often a sugar-addict mom makes really fabulous treats as well, always looking for new and creative ways to get the sugar. Such has been the life of my children. I have attempted "sugar rehab" a few month's at a time. During those times I have lost weight, felt great (after the initial withdrawal headache), and been happier overall. So why have  I not continued a sugar-free lifestyle? Well, because I'm an addict and I have been training four successors whose habits I didn't feel it was fair to curtail, after all they weren't fat or crazy. I know that logic is very skewed. But food has always equalled love in my world, and since I love them I wanted them to feel that in a way that I knew they would recognize. We need to redefine things, a little . . .

We have been talking for a long time about improving the way we all eat. We watched documentaries, read books and blogs, but every week I still bought hundreds of dollars of junk--"food like substances" in the words of Michael Pollan. So I finally bit the bullet. At first Chris and I thought we might try Whole 30-- but we realized there was no way to realistically include our children in that. And that we would be less successful if we had choices in the house.  I was intrigued by a blog of a woman who went 100 days with no processed food on $125 per week. This seemed pretty reasonable, except the $125/week business--only one thing at a time, the budget will have to come later.

So today we started our experiment to remove processed food from our diet. We are starting with sugar, and processed grains, and snack foods--cookies, crackers, chips, goldfish, pretzels, cold cereal, etc. Chris is pretty certain it might kill him not to eat cereal before bed every night. The one exception is the bread for lunches, but I went with a bakery bread that is truly whole grain, until I can find an acceptable recipe. The kids' lunches were turkey and cheese on whole grain hoagie roll, string cheese, small apple, cutie-orange, 2 strawberries, bag of veggies with carrots, celery, snap peas, and radishes. The kids were skeptical.

At lunch Em an I had  this text exchange
  "this bread is gross".
   "I just had some and I thought it was delicious. Get used to it."
     ":(  "
    "Or you could have no bread"
silence--she must not have wanted to waste her minutes on a futile argument.

Surprisingly, she was the only complainer. "I can't believe you would give me a RADISH". The horror. Then she asked my if she could have a bigger variety of fruit--three wasn't enough, apparently. Jo had no complaints, but of course he made cookies in home ec so he wasn't suffering too much. Kenn said it was fine, but she's always a good girl. KP didn't have much to say--she was happy to have star-berries! Chris says he needs something salty, I suggested he salt his veggies.

So day one survived--not as bad as it could've been. I did realize as I cooked breakfast and dinner that we use a TON of processed products; the Pam  and the turkey sausage for the omelet muffins, the cream of chicken soup and soy sauce in the Hawaiian haystacks, the deli meat. I guess we'll just start with one step at a time.

Dream Elixir

Backstory . . .
As you may or may not know, I have been struggling with stomach issues since last May when I had what I'm sure was a horrible gall-bladder attack. Unfortunately six months and $6000 worth of tests later, no one can confirm that, nor really pinpoint what the cause of my troubles is--they like to just throw around words like GERD and give me a big prescription list. After some research of my own, and my sister's (Thanks Edie) I wondered if my troubles were at all related to the anti-depressant that I have been taking for two years. My DR and I decided that I wouldn't take it anymore as an experiment and I would instead use some natural treatments for my anxiety and depression. I am excited to say that exercise therapy coupled with lots of sunshine (I LOVE living in the desert--it may be brown but we have so much sun, and beautiful sunsets too . . .) has been FAR more effective than Wellbutrin ever was. Turbofire rocks as a drug!!

The bad news is, stomach problems are still here. I am not interested in taking Prilosec for the rest of my life--no thank you big pharma, you can keep someone else sick, but I need to to do something. So back to the research. I love love love Chris Kresser's Website. He calls himself the Healthy Skeptic. Check out his site for TONS of information on all sorts of health topics. (My favorite article, How not to spend the last ten years of your life in a wheelchair and a diaper.)  One of his suggestions was to have  1 tsp raw (unfiltered, unpastuerized) apple cider vinegar with 8ounces of water several times a day, in addition to eating better, to help restore the balance to the gut (oh, how I hate that word).

So I tried it--with a little dash of stevia to sweeten the deal. I call it my Cambuche, which I know isn't the same thing, even a little bit, but I like the sound of it. I have seen a noticeable dip in my stomach pain. My reflux has also decreased--hardly there, even when I had a little taste of wedding cake on Saturday night. (Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, that was what we at the Herman house call good wedding cake!)

This has all been great, but the most exiting thing has happened in the bathroom--don't worry, no TMI moment--on the scale! One side-effect of stopping wellbutrin has been a traumatic 10 pound weight gain in the midst of all this increased excercise. BUT since last Wednesday I have lost at least 5 pounds. The "Cambuche" makes me feel full. It also has magically stopped me when I'm in the middle of an I-can't-find-enough-to-snack-on afternoon binge. I imagine it's also doing all those things in my gut that Chris Kresser talked about. I'm also actually getting used to, and even, dare I say, enjoying my little beverage!

The fountain of youth, no regrets . . .

"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."
John Barrymore

At lunch last week, a friend said, this year my goal is to gain a little weight, see if I can be a little more lazy and a little less productive. I'm a little tired of setting the same goals EVERY year, because I just don't seem to be getting it done. After reading a beautifully inspirational post by a Jessica Albrecht on her blog, Is Forever Enough, I decided that I would set a goal that I haven't ever set before--blogging. I created this blog last April, and with a grand total of one post all year, I'm confident that I can succsfully improve on that!!

After a week of regrets about a situation that I handled badly, mostly due to inexperience, but badly nontheless, I'm feeling the need to work on my dreams more. Not so much dreams like they talked about when I went to Mary Kay meetings--big houses, fancy cars, amazing vacations--but dreams about who I was supposed to be, who I think I really am. Little things that I want to define me, and things that I want to no longer define me.

A new friend said to me, "so you're a writer?' I had to laugh because I haven't written much more than a grocery list and a facebook post in a really long time. But she got on her "passion soapbox" and really lectured me about how what we are doing right now doesn't necessarily define who or what we are. It really caused me to think and to remember that maybe, deep down, that's what I've dreamed of being, who I really am. So this year I'm going to write. I'll still have to write grocery lists, and I enjoy posting on facebook, but I'm excited to add blogging and journaling and maybe some essays on the things running around in my head all the time.